Not Such a Laughing Matter
by Just My Cup Of Tea
Summary: In which Levi has a toothache, and Hanji tries to be a good friend.


For the prompt: "please please do levihan where hanji is bringing levi home after he gets his wisdom teeth removed and she's filming him and he's miserable because the only thing he can eat is jello and he hates jello so every other thought on his mind is something to the effect of "fuck jello" and he's still loopy from the gas and hanji is trying so hard to stay composed but he keeps complaining that his mouth is weird and fuck jello"

* * *

Hanji has seen Levi drunk, she's seen him sleep deprived, she's seen him on the thin knifepoint of mental health that the Survey Corps makes its soldiers walk, and nothing, absolutely nothing, has prepared her for Humanity's Strongest Soldier high off his ass from laughing gas.

The whole legion is on its way back from an expedition outside the walls when she starts noticing that something is off. Most people wouldn't be able to tell the difference, but she can see the slight lines around his face that mean he's in pain, and not just grumpy. Erwin sees it too, she notices, and when he sends an inquiring glance her way, she shrugs and tries not to think too hard about. Levi's brave, but he's not an idiot: if he was injured, he'd tell someone. Or at least take care of it himself.

He hadn't been limping or bleeding earlier, she recalled. So whatever is going on, he'll probably be fine. Hopefully.

She forgets about it once they get back behind the wall and tucked into the safety of headquarters. As always, they've suffered heavy losses. And since there were a few doctors among those, they called on her to help ease some of the burden they left behind. Without any titans to study at the moment, she does it without hesitation, pushing Levi's mysterious pain to the back of her mind. He's a big boy. He can handle it.

Or maybe he can't, because he shows up in the infirmary a couple of hours later, obviously in pain and looking for her, it seems.

"Hanji," he says as she walks over, only it comes out rounded and garbled from his mouth as he tries to limit how much he moves his mouth.

"Oh Levi," she interrupts, trying not to laugh. "Toothache?" she says with a smile. He, predictably, just glares at her and nods. "Well, sit down and open up." She expects a witty retort, but as she turns back around he's merely done what she's said.

She takes a mirror took and pokes around his mouth, making sure to let him see her wash her hands first. There's a lot of swelling in general in his mouth, and it seems to hurt no matter where she touches. However, as she moves farther back and hits the gum behind his molar -

He jumps and recoils so violently that she almost loses a finger. They stared at each other for a few seconds in shock.

"Fucking hell was that for?" Levi manages to get out, lines deepening in his face.

"To find out what the hell is going on in there," Hanji replies. "Levi, do you still have your wisdom teeth?"

"Probably."

"Well, I'm no expert, but I'm going to guess that's your problem. They look infected. Should probably have them removed before they rot inside your gum." Hanji can't tell whether it's the general idea of rotting teeth or his inner clean freak despising the idea of rotting teeth in his skull that's making him make that face, but either way, it's hilarious. "Why didn't you have them out during training like the rest of us?"

"I never went through training, remember?" he mumbles, rubbing his jaw. "Now what?"

* * *

Which leads them to this.

This is Levi looking up at Hanji with bloodshot and groggy eyes, while his cheeks balloon out comically. He looks like the world's highest and unhappiest chipmunk. Still, Hanji tries not to laugh, fucking hilarious as it is, because she's a good person.

That lasts until Levi tries to speak.

"'ani'? he mutters. "'hat happen?" Hanji can't help it, she really can't. She tries to keep it to a few soundless chuckles, but then Levi has to go on. "Houth hurths."

Hanji can't stop laughing once she starts, because Levi's eyes cross in his attempt to show displeasure with her, and honestly, how is she supposed to get him home like this?

Hanji regains control of herself and takes pity on him.

"You had your wisdom teeth out, remember?" A small light of recognition shines in his eyes. "So we're going home. You get to lay in bed and eat jello for a few weeks. It'll be great."

"'Ate 'ello," he mumbles into her shoulder as she pulls him upright.

"That's right, eating jello," she repeats happily.

"No," he says as firmly as he can manage. "I. 'ucking. 'ate. 'ello."

Normally, Hanji is pretty good at deciphering Levi, no matter the circumstances, but that one takes her a few minutes.

"You hate jello?" she says slowly as they manage the hallways back to Levi's rooms as quickly as they can with Levi stumbling like the town drunk and hanging onto her like she's a life preserver in an ocean of jello. He nods. "Don't worry, Levi, I'll save you from the jello. I might have to make something, though." She feels him stiffen in horror where he's resting his weight on her.

It's probably a valid fear. The last time she cooked they ended up feeding it to a stray, who then was violently ill by where they dumped trash. Cooking was not a specialty of hers.

They manage to make it to Levi's rooms without too much trouble and she deposits him as gently as she can in his bed, where he lays in the exact same position she set him in and promptly began snoring. He wakes up when she rolls him over and props him up, and begins swearing.

"'ucking 'ello and 'itty pain and ow 'ucking ow it hurts 'itty 'atheth -" Hanji covers her mouth in her efforts not to let him know how hard she was laughing. She dutifully grabs some painkillers and doles them out along with some water. She gets ready to leave and make sure someone will come check on him periodically when he makes a noise of complaint from the bed.

When she turns around, he's staring at her deploringly with a look she's glad that he didn't know he could do when he was sober. She'd never get anything done.

"Don't 'eave?" he garbles out. She grits her teeth and walks back into the room. Damn her mothering instinct. Damn it to hell.

"What, Levi?" she asks him. He keeps the same expression on his face - _damn_ that face, damn it, damn it, damn it - and holds his arms out like a small child.

"You've got to be kidding me," she says, even as she's toying off her shoes and sliding onto the bed.

Nope, apparently he wasn't.

Levi slides arms still shaky from the anesthesia around her waist and rests his head on her thigh. Snores start up again immediately after that, along with the pink tinted drool that he'll probably have a cow over in the morning. Hanji sighs and rolls her eyes, but lets her hand settle in the longer part of his hair and stroke gently. The pleased hum he emits is worth it, but the jury is still out on whether it's worth the stain that will undoubtedly be left on her pants if the drool doesn't stop.

Later, when all of the laughing gas has worn off and he's grumpy but sober, she'll spend hours doubled over in laughter at Captain Levi, Humanity's Strongest Soldier, asking to cuddle.


End file.
